Friday, December 7, 2012

Requisite Thank U India post

What is it about being in a foreign country that helps you clear your head, prepare yourself for plans that lie ahead, just plain calms you down?

Before I left for the trip I was wreck. I left my job of ten years, I had an emotionally wrought romantic breakup, I was burnt out from music promotion and live shows, I was fed up with other personal issues. I wasn't enjoying anything anymore. I was through with New York.

I still am and plan on leaving this city for good in a week, but I'm no longer anxious about it. Being abroad, I knew, would help me prepare for a big life change. I was able to take myself out of an environment in which I felt controlled in pretty much every aspect. Traveling solo was a means to be in full control again. Sure, India has its limitations such as delayed trains and the occasional bad chow mein and no toilets on buses, but if you go with certain expectations and are ready to take care of yourself over there, you will feel like you have all of the power in the world. And you bring that feeling back with you. Because after you experience that, you feel like you can handle anything. 

I miss a lot of things about India, but what I might miss the most is having an instant connection with people because you are both in this crazy place due to your endless curiosity, your tendency to get bored easily, your need for your true insides to be let out of its dark crevasses, your need to feel very present. You are both there because deep down you know there is something to learn about yourself when you are placed in the midst of beauty and chaos. You both know every single person you meet on your journey no matter how old, where they are from, and how much English they speak, will give you something to chew on. And there is a good chance they will touch your heart with their kindness and their offer to have a chai or just listen and smile or maybe joke around for some much needed comic relief. 

I experienced a lot of honesty on this trip. I noticed it right away when I landed in JFK and headed straight to the nearest decent coffee shop (good coffee is hard to come by in India). I overheard a lot of exaggerated compliments and false plans and people filling up their day with meetings and appointments and ten minute catchups and I immediately missed my boring lazy life in India. I missed just hanging out and bullshitting and having absolutely no reason to exaggerate or pretend or hide any feelings you had that day. 

As much as I love the USA, I feel that here there is this overwhelming need to make it look like everything is a-ok. No one wants to handle raw emotion. There are many downsides to this but the one major and obvious one is that suppressed emotions end up blowing up in our faces. You see it on the bus when fights break out or in loads of passive aggressive behavior that lead to untrustworthy relationships. My wish is that people were truer to themselves. That they can admit when they are truly happy or sad or anxious or whatever without fear of judgement. Because I do believe that that is the healthiest way to live.